**INsight!** Imus' Three-Star Return* By John Mainelli

Imus' Three-Star Return
By John Mainelli

Wednesday, December 5, 2007
--published by http://www.insideradio.com/

It’s a good thing I decided to listen to two Don Imus comeback shows before writing a review, because the first one was scary bad. Yesterday’s show, however, showed some rays of hope, even though a technical nightmare at the RFD studio nearly scuttled it.

On Monday, Imus returned from exile with absolutely everything I hated about the WFAN show: shit-kicker country music (Levon Helm, live, performing endlessly); Deirdre Imus hawking her “green” products and, ahem, the couple’s work for the East Harlem Council; Imus touting his charity ranch and noting, panderingly, that “40 percent of the kids who come to the ranch are from minority groups and at least 10 percent are African-American”; Sen. Chris Dodd; Bo Dietl (a cheap rip-off of the already low-rent Norm Crosby); and Doris Kearns Goodwin. What, no Andrea Mitchell?!

Not only that, he groveled anew about his fatal Rutgers remark – several times – in the same self-flagellating manner that consumed the last few days of his ‘FAN show and, arguably, made an Alp out of a manageable mountain.

He also introduced us to comedian Tony Powell, his new black sportscaster, and comedienne Karith Foster, a new black sidekick who did out-of-place stand-up.

Every true Imus fan (like me) had to groan (like me) when Imus announced, without a hint of irony and sounding as convincing as Larry Craig, “The program is not going to change.” He went on to pledge, “[I’ll never] say anything that would ever make…anybody…regret that they forgave me.”

Hearing that is akin to a NASCAR announcer saying, “Listen up, folks. We’ve instituted strict new safety measures and we can now assure you that there will never, ever be a collision again. Enjoy the race.”

Don, if all you do from now on is “Meet the Press RFD,” Farid Suleman can kiss his investment goodbye. It’s a significant handicap anyway that you’re on RFD this time instead of MSNBC, where almost everybody in your beloved Beltway watched the show. RFD is based in my hometown of Omaha and yet the five people I polled there never heard of it and don’t know what it means (Rural Free [mail] Delivery).

When CBS wet its pants, ran crying into a corner, and fired Imus, countless people west of New York, Boston and DC asked me, “Who is this guy and why is the media making such a fuss over him?” What nobody wants to hear now is, “THIS is the guy everyone thinks is so special?!”

Don, you’ve got to bring back aggressively anti-PC, subversive humor -- and Bernie McGuirk. (All Bernie said on Monday was, “Hi.”) You can do it. You know how to get mileage out of innuendo, inflections, situational throwaway observations, character personas, and double entendres. Just don’t say anything that looks bad in print!

Also, and I say this with tough love because I think you’re one of the greats, lose the long riffs of country music and the shit-kicker live bands. You can’t be self-indulgent in your new environment -- not yet, anyway. You’ve got to prove yourself again. Furthermore, kindly remember that most of us think there’s more to life than just partisan politics, even if there is an election next year. And the reason you need Bernie back big time -- even more than before, this time with interview participation and everything -- is that Charles McCord isn’t strong enough to help you carry extended segments without any other action.

And, please, if you must employ malapropism, lose that clown Dietl and engage your WABC predecessor, who’s still on payroll doing the 5 a.m. hour – Curtis Sliwa. You could have some fun with WABC’s Sean Hannity and Bob Grant, too.

Yesterday’s Show No. 2 also had weak guests (and still no Bernie save for two peeps), but the two new sidekicks showed signs of working out quite well -- even though nobody could hear anybody due to the worst collection of technical glitches I’ve ever heard on radio. Imus even hinted he might walk off the show before ordering an unscheduled, extended break at one point.

Karith Foster lost her stand-up mode and even cracked you up a time or two. Tony Powell appears to have a wry, wicked wit. You chose well, I-man. But bring back McGuirk, too!

Imus, we need you more than ever to deal with humorless wenches like NOW president Kim Gandy who, I kid you not, thinks you’re being racist yet again by expecting Foster and Powell to be funny. Gandy told Newsday yesterday, “Why comedians? That’s the only thing women and blacks can do is be funny? I don’t find that encouraging.” God help us all.

Tuesday’s RFD-based tech disaster notwithstanding, kudos to Phil Boyce and everyone else at WABC for staging Imus’ Monday debut at New York’s Town Hall Theater. To be generally smooth technically with a new host, new format, new network – while being on remote – is no small fete.

No doubt you’d like to know which brave advertisers returned for Imus’ debut. So did I, so I noted every one between 6 and 9 a.m. on Monday: Hackensack Univ. Med. Center; Subaru (NY dealers); Andersen Windows; Hanley Rehab Center; NY Oil Heating Assoc.; NetJets; JH Cohn (accounting); Credit Card Relief; [Somebody’s] Thermometer (I couldn’t understand the name); Garment.com; “Book of the Dead”; Heart Inst. of Staten Is.; Mohegan Sun Casino Hotel; Bigelow Tea; Accountemps; Optimum Voice; Sirius; Emergen-C (:10s); Philips Norelco (:10s); iO TV; 1-800-MATTRESS; B&H Electronics (news adjacency); and quite a few PSAs, promos and, I suspect, shorter breaks than will be the norm in the future. Sadly, no Peerless Boilers.

What does Al Sharpton think of all this? I couldn’t care less. You’ll have to ask him.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch – oops, sorry, WABC – bumped wakeup-show co-star Curtis Sliwa, complaining that he is “contractually required” to solo the 5 a.m. hour, told listeners Monday that he was also kicked out of his old studio because it’s now “Imus only.”

Over at CBS’s K-Rock and XM, Opie & Anthony provided running commentary during Imus’ cross-town comeback. Noting that Imus stopped down several times to apologize yet again, Anthony poked the cowpoke: “Imus, you’ve got the job. You can shut up now.”

After playing a cut of Imus saying, “It’ll be a great radio program,” Opie said, “It was. That’s key. It WAS.” (Somehow the terms pot, kettle and black come to mind.)

At 9:00, O&A blew off XM-only and briefly (very) dropped in on Imus at Town Hall.

Spotting a bunch of empty seats there, one industry observer told me, “There was no sellout. Except for perhaps Imus.”

Say it ain’t so, Don. We’ll be listening. We want YOU back.

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John Mainelli is a consultant and a former WABC program director. He can be reached at johnmainelli@msn.com. The views expressed are his own.


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